I'm pretty lonely. After years of moving around and making lots of 'disposable friends' - mostly work friends, I eventually settled in the burbs. The conversations out here are limited to the most superficial things: kids, weather, new restaurants, landscaping companies, etc. But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. And, there's almost no overlap in interests - so nothing to gather around.
Also, being a male seems to make it much more difficult - many of us are raised to be self-reliant, independent, reserved and undaunted. It's a sign of weakness for us to admit to loneliness. Plus, many are by biology competitive and view the other males as potential threats. Lots of the guys I meet are wearing masks, holding their cards close, sizing each other up, and trying to one-up the others. When I go to the coffee shops and see all the men sitting alone, it's depressing.
I live a life apart and I've extremely happy. Find something besides social interactions to give your life meaning. Find small ways to be kind and compassionate in the rare interactions you do have. Do things that put you near other people, even if you don't necessarily interact.
Don't think that your life is wanting because you don't socialize. If you strip away the veneers of culture, socialization is just a way to find identity, meaning and pass time. You can do all that on your own terms, and some of the wisest people in history have purposefully separated themselves to do just that.
For most, loneliness is not a choice, so whatever you just said is meaningless and will not work. It is not identity they are looking for, but actual socialisation. Most people are hardwired that way.
Being separated sometimes gives perspective, but... How many of those men were actually happy? If it's almost a cliché.
Loneliness is a consequence of your beliefs. If you believe that your beliefs cannot be changed, then you certainly won't be able to change. Why you would want to stay unhappy is beyond me, though.
I can tell you from my personal experience, I was lonely in the past, I'm not lonely anymore, and if anything I've become more isolated over time. My total interaction time with other people is on the order of about 2 hours a week. I'm crazy happy, I literally love my life and am excited for every new day. The difference is in my beliefs.
> But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome.
See, in any other time up until say 1.5-2.5 decades ago (depending on your world location), this very fact would have been a wellspring of stimulating entertaining mildly-illuminating conversations from day to day. The prerequisite being "people feeling fundamentally / by-default at ease in something as primitively simple as just one anothers' company". I don't know why societies lose this and when. I do know that while they have it, they don't realize or notice it as anything special, that by the time it's gone, most don't remember it, and that it's quickly exhausted in the span of a decade to a generation or so. Then most of the few who have a vague awareness of "something's wrong now" quickly attribute it to "the wrath of gods" either literally or to some belief placeholder such as, chemtrails, bad nutrition, the monetary system, the consumerist society, peak fossil fuel decadence, private TV stations, video games, smartphones, their own aging, useless millenials etc and go on a crusade. Not helping in a fundamental sense.
> The prerequisite being "people feeling fundamentally / by-default at ease in something as primitively simple as just one anothers' company". I don't know why societies lose this and when.
This really resonates with me. I've traveled to the Netherlands twice in the past 3 years, spending most of my time outside of Amsterdam. This small, homogeneous place, to me, truly feels different. And I think the default "at-ease" is a big part of it.
It didn't feel strange at all that I made 3 Facebook friends from random strangers over there.
>many of us are raised to be self-reliant, independent, reserved and undaunted
I think this greatly depends on your environment. A lot of the guys I know had nothing of this in their upbringing. I think there overwhelmingly lots of guys today that are emotionally dependent on others, very outward on personal matters and opinions, and easily riled into emotion. Less than ever there's the expectation of the strong, stoic, leadership figure.
The one way I would say you're accurate is that societally and financially speaking, being a young man is harder than ever. There are no safety nets, which hasn't historically been a problem due to high labor demand that no longer exists.
Also, being a male seems to make it much more difficult - many of us are raised to be self-reliant, independent, reserved and undaunted. It's a sign of weakness for us to admit to loneliness. Plus, many are by biology competitive and view the other males as potential threats. Lots of the guys I meet are wearing masks, holding their cards close, sizing each other up, and trying to one-up the others. When I go to the coffee shops and see all the men sitting alone, it's depressing.