Do what makes you happy. Ultimately, your subconscious is going to work against you until you are aligned with your true desires. Better to wake up and realize that sooner rather than later. Ultimately, the life you think you want to lead is probably out of alignment with the life you actually want to lead.
Honestly, you sound like me. Being the best is just super hard work, and I've recognized that I'm not. I'm 38 and I've just returned to software development after a 10 year hiatus in management during which I wrote maybe two small perl programs. Now I'm happy just to be back writing code, and I don't feel like I have to change the world any more.
So you're not the best. You pick up and continue. Honestly, your anxieties look ridiculous to a 38 year old, just like my anxieties must look ridiculous to a 50 year old. You could die tomorrow. Live life in the way that brings you the most joy.
Do what makes you happy. Ultimately, your subconscious is going to work against you until you are aligned with your true desires. Better to wake up and realize that sooner rather than later. Ultimately, the life you think you want to lead is probably out of alignment with the life you actually want to lead.
Honestly, you sound like me. Being the best is just super hard work, and I've recognized that I'm not. I'm 38 and I've just returned to software development after a 10 year hiatus in management during which I wrote maybe two small perl programs. Now I'm happy just to be back writing code, and I don't feel like I have to change the world any more.
So you're not the best. You pick up and continue. Honestly, your anxieties look ridiculous to a 38 year old, just like my anxieties must look ridiculous to a 50 year old. You could die tomorrow. Live life in the way that brings you the most joy.